In my marriage of 32 years it took me many years to unfold and uncover all the layers of anger and pain from my childhood.  My dear husband and I married when we were mere children.  I was 18 and he was 21. We both were escaping from childhood pain and in our naive youthful ways we thought that we could find refuge in each other.  It took many years of inner work, exploring and letting go of many projections from our childhoods that somehow in the end we have remained together and still very much in love today! 

We both had and still have the courage to look inside and be painfully honest with each other during difficult times in our marriage.  It just happens that my partner was and is as willing as I to grow and therefore we grew together into a very spiritual loving relationship today.  Not perfect by any means but real, honest and deeply respectful of each other.  I still chuckle as my husband shared the other day how he loves who I am today and what we have with each other because when he first met me I was so jaded!  So true, I was so busy blaming the world I did not even see what was right in front of me.  When I showed up to myself my husband showed up in ways I did not know existed for me

For us this was our journey for others it may mean letting go of relationships that are toxic and loving themselves first before they move on to a new love.  Whatever path we have, each time we look into another’s eyes’ we see a reflection of what we feel  about ourselves inside.   If we choose as adults to allow others to reflect anything but respect and love to us then somewhere inside we believe on some level it to be true.

We attract to us what we feel inside about ourselves.  This is true if we are in a long or short-term relationship or still looking for love.  This is true even with friendships.  We choose those around us by the same gauge we hold about ourselves. 

I believe that we can look at each relationship either long-term or temporarily as great teachers of opportunities to grow.  As we learn along the way what it is we don’t want and then cultivate in ourselves the courage to heal and let go of blaming others; we then can blossom first with ourselves and then with another. When we love who we are first and treat our own lives with respect we then can be open for the same coming from someone else. 

Find ways to be kinder to yourself, heal inward and the outward world will be much kinder.  There is no secret to a loving relationship for it always begins with the relationship we have with ourselves. All other relationships will build from there.

Who do you see in the mirror? How can you be kinder to yourself today?

He has been my greatest teacher!